The Family Center: enrichment programs for families and professionals
Cultivating a Healthy Definition of Achievement
Ask the Experts by Carla Palffy, Sean Hogan-Downey and Mary Beth Garvey
Q: How does one raise a well-adjusted child in today's K-12 world obsessed with test scores, over-achievement and individual accolades?
A: Recent studies (Weissbourd, 2009) suggest when it comes to raising children the intense focus on over-achievement has taken both an emotional and moral toll on our children. The reality, according to Weissbourd (2009), is that children subjected to intense achievement pressure by their parents, do not outperform other students. Part of the solution rests in cultivating healthy definitions of achievement within our homes, our schools and our community-at-large. What can we do?
Awareness of Depression in Adolescents: Pt. 2
Ask The Experts by David M. Benson, MSW, LMSW, ACSW
Q. My son has always been outgoing and social. Recently, he appears to be really depressed. Can teenagers get "real" depression? If so, what are the warning signs of suicide?
A: As the pressures of being a teenager increase, so does the rate of teenage suicide. Part One explained Teenage Depression and identified warning signs that every parent needs to look for and be aware of with their teenager. Depression, as well as talk of suicide, should never be taken lightly by parents. Many people overlook the problem of teen suicide. However, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) report that the number of teen suicides has been increasing in recent years. There are more pressures on teenagers than ever before, and many of them are having trouble coping with the demands that are placed on them.
Awareness of Depression in Adolescents
Ask The Experts by David M. Benson, MSW, LMSW, ACSW
Q. My son has always been outgoing and social. Recently, he appears to be really depressed. Can teenagers get "real" depression? If so, what are the warning signs of suicide?
A. Depression is real and affects children, adolescents and adults. Depression can happen to anyone at any time. In order to answer your questions, I will first address the teenage depression, and part two will examine the link between depression and suicide, as well as alarming trends and statistics of teenage suicide.
Responding to a Depressed Teen
Ask the Experts by Pastor Richard Yeager-Stiver
Q: My teen seems depressed at times and bit of a loner. He appears to enjoy the calm unpressured time that he spends with his peers at church more than he spends with his peers at school. He also seems to have a good relationship with the youth minister and the pastor. If something is bothering him, would they be able to guide him or inform me as a parent if something was seriously wrong?
A: Ethically I treat all information I receive with the utmost respect and confidentiality. The only time I share any information is when any child, youth or adult claims they will harm others or themselves. Naturally, there is a legal responsibility and I believe a responsibility to the community to ensure everyone will remain safe. If I receive information a teen is planning to do harm I invite the parents to have a conference with me.
Food Allergies in Children
Ask the Experts: Cynthia Weiss, M.S., registered dietitian, Beaumont Hospital, Grosse Pointe.
Q: My 7-year-old son sometimes complains that the inside of his mouth itches. I thought it may be a food allergy but his complaints come hours after he's eaten. If it was a food allergy wouldn't he have a reaction right after he's eaten?
A: Not necessarily. People and allergens react differently. Individuals may experience a reaction within minutes; others may not react for hours. Itchiness of the mouth may preclude more severe symptoms. If there are any signs of lip, facial swelling, hives, vomiting or difficulty breathing, medical attention should be sought immediately. Some food allergies can be life threatening. Always consult your physician for allergy testing, overall care and a treatment plan.
How to Identify and Manage Stress
Ask the Experts by Jill Wrubel
Q: I'm a busy working mom. It was recently pointed out to me that every time someone asks me how I am doing, I reply saying that I feel so stressed. I have heard of stress management, can you help me with my questions in how to manage my daily stress?
Q: What is meant by "Whole Person Wellness"?
A: Whole Person Wellness is about balance. Balance in what we THINK, balance in how we FEEL about those thoughts we are thinking, and how these feelings about our thoughts are affecting our physical body with physiologic changes created by our fight or flight response to daily situations. And lastly, how our essence, our essential nature or spirit--- is it diminished and empty or uplifted and full?
Why take a parenting class?
Ask the Experts by Kathy Rager, executive director, CARE
Q: My mother tells me that I am spoiling my six year old. She has encouraged me to take a parenting class. I don't understand her concerns. I know that my daughter is a little high strung and I do try to keep her happy by, perhaps, giving in a little too much. I am able to provide very well for her and can afford to give her what she wants. Do I need to take a parenting class? I thought they are just for parents who have big problems.
A: Have you thought about taking a parenting class? This seems like a dumb question. Parents would take a parenting class if they are having trouble with their children. Some examples include
- They can't get them to eat their peas.
- Children are throwing tantrums.
- They can't get their children to do their homework.
- Somehow their teen child has gotten in trouble at school.
You may be surprised to know that these are all the wrong reasons to take a parenting class!
Vision is more than 20/20
Ask the Experts by Danna Haba, OD, FCOVD
Q: My child passed the vision screening tests in school how could she have a vision problem?
A: Vision is more than 20/20. A learning-related visual problem directly affects how we learn, read, or sustain close work. Visual problems in any of the following areas can have a significant impact on learning:
- eye tracking skills - eyes following a line of print
- eye teaming skills - two eyes working together as a synchronized team
- binocular vision - simultaneously blending the images from both eyes into one image
- accommodation - eye focusing
- visual-motor integration - eye-hand coordination
- visual perception - visual memory, visual form perception, and visualization
Life Changing Events
by Marla Ruhana, LMSW
Q-I am graduating from college, I should be so excited, why aren't I happy? I feel so anxious, can you help?
A-I recently saw a discussion on why films about weddings do well in theatres. Why? Because we all like watching films that feature life-changing events. Every human identifies with the birth of baby, death of loved one, a wedding, selling a home, retirement.
Enforcing Facebook Rules
Ask the Experts by Kathy Rager, executive director, CARE
Q: I am really frustrated. My 15 year old daughter knows the rules regarding what she can post on Facebook but tonight when I viewed her page I found a picture of her in a very revealing bathing suit and several nasty remarks, including four letter words, about her algebra teacher. When I confronted her she said that all the kids are doing it and it doesn’t mean anything. How do I handle this?
A: I can remember, years ago when I was a teen, my mother tried to get me to limit the time I spent on the phone. My friends and I used to talk for literally hours about nothing but in spite of my mother’s frustration, it filled a need in me. That need was to have fellow comrades, peers that I could talk to for hours and share my problems, dreams and ideas. Just like hanging on the telephone filled a need for us many years ago, Facebook is part of our children’s social structure that makes them feel part of something bigger than themselves. Use of Facebook, however, comes with some dangers.
When should my child have a cell phone?
Ask The Experts by David M. Benson, MSW, LMSW, ACSW
Q: When should a child/teen be able to carry a cell phone?
A: As a therapist, this is a question that is commonly asked by parents of children all ages. Technology has certainly changed since the days we as parents grew up. “Back in the day,” it was not uncommon to see people driving in their vehicles with a large cellular phone with a long cord attached to the cigarette lighter outlet. Now days, some cars have “hands free” capabilities, in which one does not even have to touch their paper-thin “phone.”
Alcohol Free Parties
Ask the Experts by Kathy Rager, executive director, CARE
Q: My 17 year old daughter will be 18 in July and she wants a combination birthday and graduation party. I know that it is wise to not serve alcohol at teen parties but I am afraid that none of my friends will come. Alcohol use is legal for adults and I feel that a non alcoholic party punishes me. I am also concerned that the teens may drink too much and I will get in legal trouble.
A: I hate to be blunt but I will. If your friends and YOU view an alcohol free party a punishment, you need to look at your priorities and perhaps, your own alcohol use. After all this is a party for your daughter and her friends. It should focus on her accomplishments and what is healthy for her. Your legal concerns are legitimate. Many judges are taking seriously the illegal serving of alcohol to a minor.
Marriage
Ask the Experts by Marla K. Ruhana, LMSW
Q - adore my husband, he treats me very well and I have so much to be grateful for regarding our marriage. We have been married for seven years and we're both in great health, our children are healthy, that said, debated even writing as I've got so much gratitude, it's just that we bicker and get on each other's nerves, how do we stop the petty bickering?
A - We all know the saying, "we only hurt the one's we love" and it seems there is truth to this statement. However you are correct as the petty bickering can wear us down, and it often becomes a new bad habit. If you find yourself bickering daily, yes it is wise to explore what else might be going on.
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