The Family Center: enrichment programs for families and professionals
Understanding Narcissism
Ask the Experts by Marla K. Ruhana, LMSW
Q: I've just learned that an adult family member of mine may be a narcissist. Can you tell me more about narcissism? What causes it? My current understanding is that these types of individuals operate in an adolescent manner. After all these years helping this person, I feel so used, manipulated and not valued...was I so enmeshed that I never realized this? I was thinking that I needed to go to therapy and couldn't understand what I have done wrong to be totally excluded from her life. I always thought we were close, but it seems we were only close in my mind and for her purpose. What's the best way for me to manage socialization with this type of person, since they are a part of our family?
A: Your question is a very good one. Let me begin by saying we all must be careful with labels, as many folks have traits of certain psychiatric disorders, yet might not meet the full criteria for the disorder. That said, unless a psychiatrist has truly diagnosed your loved one with narcissistic personality disorder, they might just portray particular traits of this disorder.
Cigarette and Marijuana Use in Teens
Ask The Expert: Mark Menestrina, MD, Brighton Hospital
Q: I'm a parent of a middle & high school student, it amazes me how some parents still dismiss the use of cigarette use and marijuana by their teens. Some say..."well we did it as teens and survived"..."it's harmless, better than them doing hard core drugs". On top of it all they don't even seem to be phased that it's ILLEGAL! Why such a nonchalant attitude? How should I respond to these types of parents to help them get the message of how dangerous these substances really are?
A: I will address each of your questions separately.
Q: Why such a nonchalant attitude?
A: First and foremost, as you stated, it is illegal for a person under the age of 18 to smoke ANY substance. It is illegal for any person any age to smoke marijuana or similar drug related products (exception: the subject of medical marijuana, but that's a different subject altogether.)
What, the Helmet?!
Ask the Experts by Janet S. Reed, PhD, MHA, ABPP-CN
Q: How can I get my child to wear protective head gear when riding his bike without a fight!
A: The next time your child or teen complains about wearing a helmet while riding a bicycle, skateboard, scooter, or rollerblading, think twice about giving in. Now that spring and summer are nearly upon us, kids are getting out and becoming active. Approximately 70% of children in the United States ride bicycles, with only about 41% of those riding bicycles wear helmets. Wearing a helmet can reduce the risk of a head injury by as much as 85%.
A New Sense of Entitlement "The Rules Don't Apply to Me"
Ask the Experts by Marla K. Ruhana, LMSW
Q: What is going on within this society? I feel like I can't even relate to my friends anymore! I no longer enjoy socializing as the things that seem alright to them are NOT alright with me. Their reactions frustrate me too, as if I am some prude. The truth is I have not changed, they've changed and appear to be so laid back with regard to parenting, can you help me?
A: It sounds like you have strong beliefs and adhere to your values in terms of parenting and feel frustrated as others in your circle seem desensitized?
Q: Yes, that is exactly how I feel, they minimize their child's MIP's, and seem to sweep things under the rug. I feel aggravated and frustrated. Am I wrong?
A: I cannot speak to those in your circles, yet can say that many things contribute to parental views of their children's behavior. The television does impact us in ways many do not consciously recognize, i.e.; the behavior role modeled which should be viewed as entertainment, many begin to model. Other contributing factors might be traits of narcissism, which we in the field of mental health are seeing more and more in our practice, and their own abuse of substances.
Read more: A New Sense of Entitlement "The Rules Don't Apply to Me"
What Can Happen When Your Private Messages Go Public
ASK THE EXPERTS by M.L. ELRICK, Investigative Reporter, Detroit Free Press
Q. As a parent, I caution my teens frequently about the content of what they email and text. I want them to be aware of what might happen if they are careless, any suggestions?
A. Everyone has an embarrassing old photo out there. It may be snapshot from the 80s, in which you're proudly displaying your new freshly-coifed mullet or new acid-washed jeans. While you wince when you see it now, at the time it sure seemed like the thing to do. And you never thought you'd regret it.
Read more: What Can Happen When Your Private Messages Go Public
K2 and Bath Salt Abuse on the Rise
Ask the Experts by Detective Lieutenant Jim Smith
Q. I have three children, two that are off to college and one still in high school. My husband and I are shocked and disappointed at the variety of drugs that seem to be available to those that are looking for them. Two of my children are going to Florida for Spring Break. Is it my imagination or does it seem that there is always a new threat on the horizon?
A. As tecnology increases at lighting speed so do unscrupulous entrepreneurs that are making synthetic drugs that skirt the laws that have been enacted to protect our society. These unscrupulous persons will target juvenile and young adult users.
Teenagers – Don't Blame Them, It's Their Brain
ASK THE EXPERTS by Pete Pullen, Head of School, Eton Academy
Q: Why is my teenager unable to multi-task? He seems he is only capable of focusing on one task at a time?
A: Your teenager has just backed your brand new SUV into the garage door for the third time. He explains that he really was paying attention although you saw him on his cell phone as he pulled into the driveway. He then begins to inform you that he failed his math test because his sister was annoying him the previous night. Before you can get a word out, he asked to spend the night at his best friend's house to get to the final level of the latest Xbox game. You don't know whether to scream at him or to call in Super Nanny.
Parenting: The Middle School Years
Ask the Experts by Scott Tily
Q: I'm the parent of an 11yr old boy, how do I help him and, to be honest, myself navigate the middle school years?
A: Attending middle school is an exciting and challenging time for both students and parents. With their rapid brain development, the onset of puberty and the subsequent rapid changes in their bodies, and the fluctuations of hormones in their system and the subsequent impact on their moods and impulse control, there is little wonder that at times adolescents may seem dazed and confused.
Help with Self-love for Teen Girls
Ask the Experts by Erin A. Williams, LMSW, BCD
Q: As a parent of a 13 year old daughter, how do I teach her to love herself?
A: There are so many ways to encourage self-love in a teenage girl, and despite what they may try to convince you of, it doesn't need to start with a trip to Somerset Mall!
Understanding and Acknowledging Grief
Ask the Experts by Marla Ruhana, LMSW
Q. There is immense sadness surrounding me now as my father has died and my husband has been diagnosed with a chronic illness. Although we're both grieving my father's death, my husband's grief seems worse? I am so confused, can you help?
A. I'm so sorry about the death of your father and your husband's diagnosis. Grief can show itself in many different forms, loss of a loved one, loss of a limb, divorce, job loss, loss of home, loss of a pet, loss of who we once were when we experience onset of chronic illness. Many are also grieving in particular decades of their lives as they introspect on what they thought their life would be at a certain age. Expectations and disappointment instill grief too.
Worrying Over Things Beyond Our Control
Ask The Experts by Marla Ruhana, LMSW
Q- Lately, I catch myself worrying so much over things like, is my best friend mad at me? Will I get a promotion? Will I have another baby, and if so, how will that impact our family? Will we lose our home in these difficult economic times? These worries go on and on, and I feel they are preventing me from living each day to its fullest. Is this normal?
A- Many people experience thoughts like yours. The good news is you are aware of them! Others go through life worrying over things beyond their control, a self-inflicted torture and are not even consciously aware they are worrying. This type of excessive worry can cause so much stress, hinder our quality of life, and manifest itself in physical symptoms if it goes unnoticed.
Balanced, Healthy Diets
Ask The Experts by Zonya Foco
Q: I'm raising a family of three teenagers and trying to make sure that we all get a balanced, healthy diet. Here are some questions we have.
Q: Oatmeal is so blah. How can we make it healthier but still satisfy our taste buds?
A: Are you looking to sweeten your oatmeal with less calories and carbs? Let me make this suggestion. Instead of automatically trading sugar for one of those pink, blue or yellow packets, put a full teaspoon of cinnamon on your oatmeal.
Cyber Bullying: Stop, Block and Tell
Ask The Experts: By Craig Anderson, Program Specialist, the Michigan Roundtable for Diversity and Inclusion
Q: I've heard a lot about bullying lately, I'm concerned as to how I can protect my children from cyber bullying?
A: "I hate you! Everyone else hates you! You should just die!" Those hateful words have been shouted on playgrounds as long as we all can remember. But what if those words were in an email sent to your child or grandchild? What if they were sent to all her friends? What if they were posted on a Web site or the child's online guestbook?
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