Cultivating a Healthy Definition of Achievement
Ask the Experts by Carla Palffy, Sean Hogan-Downey and Mary Beth Garvey
Q: How does one raise a well-adjusted child in today's K-12 world obsessed with test scores, over-achievement and individual accolades?
A: Recent studies (Weissbourd, 2009) suggest when it comes to raising children the intense focus on over-achievement has taken both an emotional and moral toll on our children. The reality, according to Weissbourd (2009), is that children subjected to intense achievement pressure by their parents, do not outperform other students. Part of the solution rests in cultivating healthy definitions of achievement within our homes, our schools and our community-at-large. What can we do?
What Parents/Guardians Can Do:
- Discuss what success means to your family. Do your family's actions reflect your values?
- Reduce performance pressure.
- Avoid over-scheduling.
- Allow time for play, family, friends, downtime, reflection and sleep.
- Ask your children how they are feeling.
- Allow your children to make mistakes and learn from them.
- Have conversations with your children about their experiences in school.
- Know the signs of childhood depression.
- Attend school board meetings and other venues where education is discussed and policies are established and reinforced.
- Organize other parents to join you. As a group, talk to your children's teachers, school administrators and attend School Board meetings.
- Discuss with your child what path he/she may want to pursue after high school.
- Make the college search about finding the "right fit" rather than finding the "best" college. Finding the "right fit" will ensure college success and retention.
- Allow your high school children to make independent choices on course selection.
- Follow your instincts.
What Students Can Do:
- Speak to the adults in your life about how you are feeling.
- Make sure you get plenty of sleep.
- Unplug, slow down and reflect on the important things in life.
- Make time for things you enjoy.
- Limit AP classes to subjects you enjoy.
- Limit extra-curricular activities.
- Seek colleges that use a comprehensive approach to looking at applicants.
- Learn about the long-term impact of stimulants and performance-enhancing medications.
- Create alliances with students at your school who desire a mindset that values the individuality of every student and moves away from a one-size-fits-all approach to education. Seek the support of one or more faculty members.
*Resources include:
www.racetonowhere.com
Weissbourd, Richard (2009) "The Overpressured Student" Education Leadership. Retrieved from www.ascd.org.
This article was authored by Carla Palffy, Sean Hogan-Downey and Mary Beth Garvey. All three of these experts will serve on a panel to discuss the documentary film The Race to Nowhere on September 27.
Carla Palffy,M.A., M.Ed., LPC is a school counselor at Parcells Middle School. She is also founder of College Prep Rx www.collegepreprx.com in Grosse Pointe. Palffy is a member of The Family Center's Association of Professionals, Board and Co-Chair of its Program Planning Committee.
Sean Hogan-Downey, LMSW, LMFT is a Licensed Master Social Worker and Licensed Marriage and Family therapist. She has been in clinical practice for over 30 years. For over 10 years, she has had the pleasure of working at Grosse Pointe Academy as staff consultant and school counselor. Sean is a member of the The Family Center's Association of Professionals, Board and Program Planning Committee. She can be reached at 586.774.7779.
Mary Beth Garvey, LMSW is a member of the The Family Center's Association of Professionals, Board and Program Planning Committee. She is a Clinical Therapist who works with children, adolescents and adults. She can be reached at 313.408.2180.
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The Race to Nowhere - the dark side of America's achievement culture
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