Worrying Over Things Beyond Our Control
Ask The Experts by Marla Ruhana, LMSW
Q- Lately, I catch myself worrying so much over things like, is my best friend mad at me? Will I get a promotion? Will I have another baby, and if so, how will that impact our family? Will we lose our home in these difficult economic times? These worries go on and on, and I feel they are preventing me from living each day to its fullest. Is this normal?
A- Many people experience thoughts like yours. The good news is you are aware of them! Others go through life worrying over things beyond their control, a self-inflicted torture and are not even consciously aware they are worrying. This type of excessive worry can cause so much stress, hinder our quality of life, and manifest itself in physical symptoms if it goes unnoticed.
Q- Alright, so I am glad to know it is good that I am aware of my worrying, but I feel like I have no control over these thoughts and one merely leads to another troubling thought? My worrying puts me in bad moods, can it lead to depression?
A- Yes, what we allow to rent space in our heads can be detrimental to our well-being, produce too much cortisol in our bodies (which leads to belly fat), and negative thoughts can lead to depression.
Q- I get so consumed with the negative thoughts and worry. Then I feel guilty as I feel it is preventing me from enjoying quality time with loved ones. Sometimes I feel like certain people worry too and being around them makes me worry even more?
A- Yes, once we recognize our own negative thoughts, we begin to notice it in our peers as well as society. Richard Brodie talks of this in his book, Virus of the Mind, as well as the process of "disinfection"
Q- Sounds like an interesting read. Any other books to suggest?
A- Yes, The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz and Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy, by David Burns, also Excuses Begone, Wayne Dyer, and all other books by Wayne Dyer. These books can be used as tools to help us rid ourselves of negative thoughts and worry.
Meditation and Guided Imagery CDs are also useful tools. I use the analogy with my patients that the mind is like an old VHS tape, and we need to reel out the negative old way of thinking and bring in the new perspectives. As if we have dueling piano's in our mind, positive thinking and negative thinking, the goal is to eventually only have the positive new way of thinking, which in turn alleviates signs and symptoms of depression and anxiety. Many experience negative core beliefs and cognitive distortions which are also things to become aware of with the help of a cognitive behavioral therapist.
Once we become self-ware of these beliefs and distortions they seem to lose their power, yet it takes time and practice to diminish them completely.
Q- So it sounds like you think therapy can help?
A- Yes, psychotherapy with a cognitive behavioral therapist, meditation, guided imagery, Reiki therapy, yoga, Pilates, all forms of physical activity, as well as a low glycemic diet will all be beneficial.
Q- What if those around me do not like these changes in my behavior?
A- Sadly, this can occur, if so, it is important to re-evaluate who you keep in your front row, and who you move to the balcony. People do come in and out of our lives for different reasons. Often times the healthier we get, those around us resist these changes, many stay stuck in their own thinking, some grow with us and are open minded and receptive to learning to change their thinking too. It is your choice who you keep in your front row.
For example, many cope with excessive worry in self destructive ways. Such as drinking alcohol or shopping, for some these behaviors might feel good in the moment, a release from our troubles, yet they do not have long lasting effects and can lead to more self-created problems as well as depression and anxiety. It is best to seek out a psychotherapist to recognize your own negative core beliefs and distortions, and for help to implement new behaviors such as setting limits and boundaries with others.
Exercise and maintain a healthy diet. See your primary care physician for an annual physical and spend your free time with those you admire, who inspire you, who engage in their own well-being.
Marla K. Ruhana, LMSW is a clinical social worker in private practice in St Clair Shores. She also teaches cognitive behavioral therapy in the Graduate School of Social Work at Wayne State University. For more info please visit her website at www.marlaruhana.com or call 586-801-4701.
Ruhana is a member of The Family Center's Association of Professionals.
The Family Center, a 501C 3, non-profit organization, serves as the community's hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals.
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