Cigarette and Marijuana Use in Teens
Ask The Expert: Mark Menestrina, MD, Brighton Hospital
Q: I'm a parent of a middle & high school student, it amazes me how some parents still dismiss the use of cigarette use and marijuana by their teens. Some say..."well we did it as teens and survived"..."it's harmless, better than them doing hard core drugs". On top of it all they don't even seem to be phased that it's ILLEGAL! Why such a nonchalant attitude? How should I respond to these types of parents to help them get the message of how dangerous these substances really are?
A: I will address each of your questions separately.
Q: Why such a nonchalant attitude?
A: First and foremost, as you stated, it is illegal for a person under the age of 18 to smoke ANY substance. It is illegal for any person any age to smoke marijuana or similar drug related products (exception: the subject of medical marijuana, but that's a different subject altogether.) Allowing this behavior teaches your adolescent that it is ok (with you) if he breaks the law. My guess is that that is not the message you want to give your children. Adolescents tend to apply one "freebie" across the board and the message is "my Parents said it is ok to break the law." Second: allowing your adolescent to smoke (even though it is illegal) takes the "fun of risk" out of breaking a boundary. Statistics indicate that he will find a different boundary or law to break that you won't like. Stop that progression early. Enforce rules/laws/boundaries. Your child may tell you that EVERYBODY is smoking at school EVERYBODY. This isn't true. The truth is, approximately 44% of high school students have "tried" tobacco or alcohol products in the last 30 days. It is possible that your child is hanging out with that 44%. Perhaps a little nudge to check out the entertainment the other 56% of the population at the high school is partaking in will encourage your child to see the true and bigger picture. EVERYBODY is NOT smoking.
Q: How should I respond to these types of parents to help them get the message of how dangerous these substances really are?
A: One of the first things I learned in recovery is that I cannot "control" other people. I can, however, try to influence them. I have a much stronger ability to "influence" my children by setting boundaries and enforcing consequences when boundaries are broken. Now, on the subject of influencing other parents: you cannot control them and it may be best to assess your ability to influence them. Ask yourself these questions:
- Are these parents' smokers? If they are, it is highly unlikely you will have any influence over them; you must "let it go." This parent(s) is justifying his/her own actions and using his/her own experience and does not care to address the message they are sending their children. You have very little chance of influence here. You can however, refuse to let your child "friend" others who practice unhealthy risky behaviors (smoking, drinking, etc.)
- Is this parent open to discussing this or am I forcing my opinions and judgments on others? While it is honorable and responsible that you want to influence other parents, try to narrow your circle of influence to environments that invite the advice (forums on parenting, adolescent behaviors, etc.) and sharpen your skills on knowing the difference between someone who is seeking help versus someone that you are likely to anger by approaching the subject.
- What is a responsible approach? (I added this one). When the opportunity arises to approach the subject, you have a teaching moment where you can simply state that your household has boundaries that are centered on your child's best interests and enforcing the law is one of the boundaries. You do not allow your child to break any law regardless of what you did or did not do as a child. The risks associated (health and legal consequence) are not worth challenging.
Being a parent is full of challenges, but remember: BE A PARENT, not a friend. To address substance use issues with your children is not easy. But to not address them can be even more traumatic. We teach our children at an early age to not go with strangers, to wear seatbelts, to be aware of fire safety. These are appropriate topics, to be sure. We often don't address the risks of teen alcohol, tobacco and substance use, and our young people sometimes die before they have a chance to hear such messages.
Get informed, seek advice and counseling when needed, and always know it's not just someone else's kids who may have problems. It can happen to anyone! Lastly, if your teen may be using substances, you are not alone!
Dr. Mark Menestrina is the Medical Director of the detox unit at Brighton Hospital. He is a board member of the Livionia Save Our Youth Task Force as well as Building Better Families Through Action. He is Board Certified in Family Practice and certified by the American Society of Addiction Medicine. Dr. Menestrina is a frequent presenter at schools, public events and media presentations. He can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . Brighton Hospital is a member of The Family Center's Association of Professionals.
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