Help with Self-love for Teen Girls

Ask the Experts by Erin A. Williams, LMSW, BCD

Q: As a parent of a 13 year old daughter, how do I teach her to love herself?

A:   There are so many ways to encourage self-love in a teenage girl, and despite what they may try to convince you of, it doesn't need to start with a trip to Somerset Mall!  

1.     Model Self-love

The absolute best way to create self-love in your daughter is to model it!  How do you do that?  You begin with being really kind and loving with how you talk to and about YOURSELF.  Remember to be absolutely impeccable with your words.  If you are having a difficult time being kind, loving, and supportive to yourself, it may be best to notice any nasty thought patterns and begin to replace them with loving ones.  For example, if you find yourself saying, "I will be happy once I lose 10 lbs."  Try replacing it with, "I love myself and my body right now."   You are sending your daughter an unbelievably powerful message by showing her that this is the way to speak to herself.  If you wouldn't say it to your dearest friend, you should not be saying it to yourself.  Nothing but love, please!

Other ways of modeling self-love are taking excellent care of yourself, as a parent and a person.  Sign up for a yoga class, go get a massage, or read a book.  Whatever self-care means to you-- do it daily!

2.    Help her get active!

Whether it is soccer, art, music, tap dancing, or karate, get her moving and doing something that makes her feel good about herself!  Doing something you love, that you feel you're good at, simply increases self-love.

3.    Volunteer:

Volunteering is one of the most powerful ways kids can feel like they are giving back. Parents are often truly surprised at what a dramatic boost in self-confidence and self-love volunteering can make. Try doing something together as a family.  It doesn't have to be through an organization.  You might start with shoveling the walk way at a neighbor's house.  You will all feel good about yourselves!

4.    Teach her Mantras!

Mantras are positive self statements that train our brain and body to think happy and confident.  What we know about the brain is that it believes what we tell it.  Furthermore, we know that the brain is boss in our bodies, and whatever it thinks, the rest of our body has to go along with.  So even if you and your daughter feel silly at first, post a bunch of mantras around your bathroom mirror and practice saying them while you are getting ready.  The powerful positive effects of using mantras are not silly at all.  In fact, we know that by using mantras, we can train our brain to release serotonin and dopamine…the feel good chemicals.  Try these to start with: "I love myself unconditionally", "I love my body", "I am beautiful", "I make friends easily", I am loved and supported". 

Girls are resilient and powerful members or our society!  They need all the love and support they can get.   Teaching them how to love themselves is the best gift you could get them!

Erin A. Williams, LMSW, BCD is a licensed and board certified psychotherapist specializing in women's mental, emotional, and spiritual health.  She has lectured globally on empowering women, and continues to counsel and teach women how to embrace their inner goddess and grow their self-love.

Erin's travels in 2009-2010 have taken her to Turkey, Greece, Italy, France, and Switzerland.  She continues to educate and promote the empowerment of women and guide women globally to achieve higher levels of self-love.  Her next retreat will be held in Santorini, Greece in the summer of 2011.

She can be reached at A Healing Place Counseling in Grosse Pointe.  Please contact her at 313.300.9232, visit her web site at www.healingplacecounseling.com.

Save the Date
PARENTING THE MIDDLE SCHOOL YEARS
Thursday, May 12, 7 p.m.
Grosse Pointe Academy, Fieldhouse, 171 Lake Shore Rd., Grosse Pointe Farms.
This annual spring middle school transition program will feature a panel of experts – followed by an open Q & A panel discussion. Erin Williams will be one the panelists for this special Ask the Experts presentation that will be offered for elementary and middle school students, parents and professionals.
No Fee, RSVP by May 6.

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