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TIME-IN: Setting Up Effective Time-Outs

Ask the Experts by Ted Kasper, LMSW 

Q:    My wife and I use time-out as a discipline tool with our children, ages 2 1/2, 4 and 6. I would like to use this tool most effectively. Do you have any suggestions?

A:    For many parents with children this age, time-out is the most preferred method of discipline. Time-out is neither a "cool-down" period for the child and/or parent, nor "think-time" for the child. It is time-out from being able to receive positive attention, earn rewards, or receive reinforcement for a specific behavior.

Most parents will agree that time-out "works" -meaning that the "bad" / negative / undesirable behavior is stopped - at least for the moment. It is not effective at all in teaching more appropriate behavior.

For doing that, we must practice time-in along with time-out.

If time-out refers to the child's inability to receive positive attention, earn rewards, or receive reinforcement for a specific behavior, then time-in must refer to the child's ability to receive positive attention, earn rewards, or receive reinforcement for a specific behavior.

A child's daily environment must be pleasant and full of positive attention from his parent's if time-out is to work. Rules for time-in are pretty straight-forward. They are:

  • Anytime your child is engaged in any type of positive behavior (playing appropriately with another child, sitting quietly by himself/herself reading, doing a chore, sitting quietly while watching TV, etc) or engaged in any NEUTRAL behavior, provide positive attention.
  • Your attention should be brief and frequent. Most of it could be nonverbal so as to disrupt your child's activities.
  • Recognizing that your child's positive behavior must be done consistently across throughout the day, especially when you are busy doing other things like talking on the phone or doing chores, make a great deal of eye contact and smile.
  • Take advantage of the day-to-day activities that parents engage in naturally with children. Provide positive attention while riding in the car, cooking together, watching TV, completing a bedtime routine, etc.
  • Some ideas for enriching time-in activities with your children are: verbal praise, pats on the back, brief touches, "thumbs-up", hugs, hand squeezes, "high fives".

Common mistakes of busy parents with time-in (called "Impoverished Time-In") are:

  • taking good behavior for granted, ignoring good behavior because it is "expected" from a child
  • ignoring good behavior so that you can "get things done" while your child isn't causing you any problems, or
  • only providing attention when it convenient for you or when your child has misbehaved.

Time-in is critical as it sets the stage for time-out to be effective.

SAVE THE DATE

Ted Kasper, MA, LMSW is a licensed social worker in Macomb County. He provides counseling to children, adolescents, adults and families will present "TIME-IN: Setting Up Effective Time-Outs" Thursday, February 7 from 7 to 8:30p.m. in a special Family Center Ask the Experts Series.

The event will be held at the Barnes Early Childhood Center, 20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods.

To register, call 313-432-3832 or visit the familycenterweb.org calendar >>.

Kasper specializes in Behavior Analysis & Interventions; Parent Coaching, Mentoring and Support and "SuperNanny Services" (behavioral observation, action planning, and interventions). Call 586.255.2259, email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or visit www.familyactionplan.com for more information.  Kasper is a member of The Family Center's Association of Professionals.

Enriched Communities Through Strong Families
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