The Family Center: enrichment programs for families and professionals
ANGRY, ACTING OUT CHILD? Focus On Thinking, Not Emotions!
Ask the Experts by Ted Kasper, LMSW
Q: When my 5 year old son gets angry and smashes his sister's dollhouse, should I be asking him why he got angry or why he did that and discussing his feelings of anger?
A: Many parents assume that since their child's behavior is connected to their feelings, fixing the feelings will fix the behavior.
It's critical to understand that discussing your son's feelings while they are happening (ie, in the heat of the moment) is probably not very constructive in the long-run. In the heat of the moment, most children (and some adults) become overwhelmed with emotions. By the time they are acting out angry or resentful feelings (eg, smashing their sister's dollhouse in anger), you're already way into a negative situation.
I liken it to old saying, "The time to teach your kid's about fire safety is not when the house is on fire".
Read more: ANGRY, ACTING OUT CHILD? Focus On Thinking, Not Emotions!
Consequences Teach Responsibility
Ask the Experts by Ted Kasper, LMSW
Q: My wife and I disagree on consequences to discipline our children. What types of consequences are there and how can they be more effective?
A: Allowing children to experience the consequences of their behavior is the most used discipline method used by parents.
Children learn that every act has a consequence, and they learn to be accountable and responsible for their behavior. Children must understand that they have choices and must accept the consequences of their choices. Natural consequences allow children to learn from the natural order of the world.
For instance, if the child refuses to eat, he will get hungry, or if the child does not do his homework assignment, she will get a lower grade. The parent allows unpleasant, but natural, consequences to happen when the child does not act in a desirable way.
Eight Reasons to "Age at Home"
Ask the Experts by Mary Ellen Brayton
Q: My 82 year old father lives alone and is fiercely independent but he's finding it more difficult to handle everything at home. We are not sure if he should still be driving, cooking, and if he's actually taking his medications on a regular basis. It's a touchy topic with him, but we are starting to see a decline in his abilities.
A: "I don't need help" is a typical response when a family member suggests calling someone for assistance.
As tough as it may be to enlist the help of a "stranger" when it comes to caring for your parents, sometimes it's for the best. It will take the strain off of family and your parent may also benefit from professional care in the comforts of home.
Here are some advantages to home care:
What is this 'ABA' I keep hearing about?
Ask the Experts by Veronica McAtee & Lori Warner
Q: My son was just diagnosed with autism, and the team recommended he receive "ABA therapy." But I don't even know what that means, or where I can get it.
A: ABA stands for Applied Behavior Analysis, which studies how we learn and how we can change behaviors.
We break down complex skills like having a conversation or getting dressed into smaller, more manageable pieces, and use a system of prompts and rewards to motivate learners. ABA treatment is usually conducted by Board Certified Behavior Analysts (see below for more details!) and can help with a variety of skills such as communication, socialization, play, self-help skills, tantrums, feeding, sleeping, and toileting, just to name a few.
Encouraging Reading Skills in Children
Ask the Experts by Michael Richman
Q. What can parents do to encourage kids to read more and improve their skills as they get older?
A. Reading comprehension skills are crucial to academic achievement. Children will be expected to read vast amounts during their academic careers and will need to continue to develop this skill from their early school years and further.
Reading for pleasure is also important for children. Reading fiction helps students develop healthy imaginations which encourage dynamic thinking and problem solving.
Parents can have a huge impact on their children's progress in reading and here are some tips for parents who wish to instill a love of reading in their children:
Plant Some Seeds to Better Health and Teachable Moments
Ask The Experts by Mary Ellen Brayton
Q: What are some fun summer activities that I can let my children help my parents with that would be interactive plus maybe share some teachable moments along the way?
A: Why not start with a garden? Besides looking nice and providing healthier foods, maintaining a garden can also improve your health. Working in the garden on a daily basis has been proven to relieve stress, improve mental health, boost exercise, and improve nutrition.
Read more: Plant Some Seeds to Better Health and Teachable Moments
Stress Relief: Pause and Breathe
Ask the Experts by Jill Wrubel
Q. STRESS is being written and talked about everywhere, however much of the information is so difficult to comprehend and figure out what to do? Often I feel stressed at work, come home and feel stressed there too, not knowing how I can let go of the day.
A. There are many writings about Stress: articles, books, blogs, DVD, CD, television specials, yet why does it continue to seem so elusive?
Perhaps the varying degrees of language? Whether from the most eloquent, fluent, silver-tongued or well-spoken person offering research, medical and statistical data--- or the polar opposite, all are offering the bottom line that stress is part of everyday living, an option of behavior: mentally, emotionally and physically in response to one's point of view about their work away from the home, an at-home work job, a volunteer activity at work or in the community, at church, in school, the neighborhood organization and often the most volatile stress is at home with the family.
Pheewwwwwww!!!
How to Help Children when Parents Divorce
Ask the Experts by Mary Anne Lushe, LMSW, LMFT
Q. My husband and I are divorcing after 16 years of marriage. We have three children ages 4, 11 and 14. What can we do to help our children through this difficult transition?
A. A couple in any phase of divorce, generally have powerful and pretty raw emotions which make it more difficult to provide the security, consistency and parenting that children require. It is a time of self-focus that asks parents to contain their anger, pain and conflict. It is also a time when parents can position themselves and their children for a healthy, resilient future.
Divorce isn't a single event but a series of changes that take place over months and years. Children need two parents who will not speak against each other, who will not use any of the children as mediators or go betweens rather than directly working issues through together. It asks of parents a sensitivity to the changing needs of their children even when your own needs may be overwhelming at times.
Celebrating Differences! How to Support Your Different Learner
Ask the Experts by Geralyn DeBoard, DMC Children's Hospital of Michigan Autism Center
Q. How might I know if my child is a different learner?
A. Parents may recognize differences in their child once he or she enters school and begins participating in school activities. Parents may also receive reports or seek information from their child's teacher regarding strengths and weaknesses noted in school performance.
It may be a good idea for parents to observe their child in school and in social settings to be able to recognize differences. If a parent has concerns prior to the start of pre-school or other formal school placement, he or she can seek help from the local public school office or Early On. The parent should also seek help from the primary care physician.
Read more: Celebrating Differences! How to Support Your Different Learner
Early treatment is key to correcting concerns about your child's development
Ask the Experts by Amy McKenzie, MD
Q. It seems like my child isn't developing like the other children. My pediatrician says there's nothing to worry about. What should I do?
A. Listen to your instinct!
Early warning signs include:
- Sensory issues (when a child strongly dislikes (or craves) touch, sound, sight, and/or smell)
- Delayed milestones
- Limited eye contact or engagement with family members and other children
- Lack of pointing
- Lack of waving bye-bye
- Lack of speech to develop, or regression of speech
Read more: Early treatment is key to correcting concerns about your child's development
Ways Older Adults Misuse Medications
Ask the Experts by Jeff and Debra Jay
Q. I am the primary adult caregiver in our family for my parents. How do I help my aging parents manage all of their prescriptions and over-the-counter medications?
A. When drugs come from a doctor's prescription pad, misuse is harder to identify. We assume pharmaceutical drugs are only used for medical conditions, but many older adults take medications for nonmedical reasons.
Abusing or misusing mood-altering prescription drugs can affect older adults lives in three ways: cognitive decline, deterioration of physical health, and an inability to live independently. Adult children will find themselves in a caregiver role years, even decades, before they expected to face these problems.
How to Have Stress Work for You, Not Against You
Ask the Experts by Nancy Piatek
People are always talking about how stressed they are in life. However, without stress, your life would be unexciting and boring. There is good stress and bad stress. Let's learn how to handle stress and have it work for you instead of against you.
Q. What is stress?
A. The definition of stress is a physical, chemical or emotional, factor to which an individual fails to make a satisfactory adaptation and which causes physiological tensions that may be the contributory cause of disease; the state or condition of strain.
Q. How can I make my life less stressful?
A. It is important for you to recognize the demands of stress on your body and deal with it before it becomes a harmful stress or "bad stress -"distress." Learning how to relax is the best strategy.
The Middle Years - Empowering Your Child
Ask the Experts by Michael Dib, EdD
Q: How do I empower my child to deal with disappointments that relate to test and report card grades?
A: Many parents feel the need to protect their children from getting their feelings' hurt when it relates to test and report card grades.
If your child expresses concern to you about a low test score or report card grade, the first step is to encourage your child to speak directly to the teacher before or after school. If that is not possible, have your child e-mail the teacher and ask for a convenient time to meet and discuss academic progress.
A student who proactively seeks out a teacher to ask for clarification, has more validity with the teacher than a parent who contacts the teacher before her/his child has spoken to the teacher. If your child needs further clarification and is still frustrated after speaking with the teacher, make an appointment to meet with the teacher and make sure to involve your child in the conference with the teacher.
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